Cinque Terre is a cluster of 5 towns along the Italian Riviera. “Cinque Terre” translates to “The 5 Lands,” and consists of five small villages, which are Monterosso al Mare, Vernazza, Corniglia, Manarola, and Riomaggiore. Its a popular tourist destination AND a UNESCO World Heritage site.
And it is just THE worst. Here’s why.
1. You have to CHOOSE which village to stay in.
Since there are 5 villages that are all so picturesque, they expect you to CHOOSE one. Like, I’m SO indecisive and you’re seriously going to make me look through hotels/hostels/apartments in FIVE places and have to choose ONE? Why can’t I just stay at all of them? Ugh.
2. You have to use alternate means of transportation.
Since we were only there for a weekend and the hiking trails were long, we had had to take a BOAT to see all 5 villages. We couldn’t just have the same ol’ means of transportation that you can get anywhere else in the world, like a cab or bus. NOPE, Cinque Terre had to be different and unique. We had to sit on a boat and have sub-par views of the villages and murky water beneath us. Why, Cinque Terre? WHY? I mean, these views, like, suck…
3. The food is too good and too cheap
Only 5 EUR for a breakfast of coffee, a chocolate croissant, and yogurt with granola? All which were delicious? I mean sure, I probably couldn’t even buy just a coffee with 5 EUR in most places. But honestly, you’re making all the other Italian cities seem ridiculous and expensive. Come on now, that is NOT nice. AND the food had to be delicious too? You just HAD to be in the region known for making pesto sauce, Cinque Terre? Really? Do you think I WANT to gain 10 lbs? You’re not making it any easier for me to resist, you bastard.
4. It was too hot and dangerous.
Who wants to lay out all day with the sun beaming down on you with a light wind every now and then? Who wants to have to actually get up and get into the perfectly-chilled water to cool off? Who actually wants to get a nice, bronze tan? I mean, I for one loveeeeeee being pasty white. AND to top it all off, you can climb, lay, and jump into the water from jagged rocks? Are you kidding? Sure, its fun and exhilarating, but do you know how DANGEROUS that is? Geez. Look at our terrified faces!
5. It’s just a showoff.
People are always RAVING about how gorgeous Cinque Terre is. But ohhhh how wrong they are. Beach, sand, mountains speckled with tiny, colorful villages and clusters of houses? Tall, dark, Italian men in nothing but tiny speedos? NO THANK YOU.
So cheers to you, Cinque Terre, for being the absolute worst.